is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
