Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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