i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
