I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
