apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
