Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
