He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
