you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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