Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
