so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
