he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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