the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
