$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
