My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
