So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
