i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
