Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
