I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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