This is not my ceiling
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
