When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
