she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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