I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
