you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
