just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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