You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
