I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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