the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
