I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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