I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
