omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
