it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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