I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
