Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
