i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
