so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize