I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
