now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
