I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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