Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
