If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
