the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
