this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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