i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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