I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
