do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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