my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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