im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
