Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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