I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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