I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize