No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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