It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
