He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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