Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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