Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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