I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
