Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
