by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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