We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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