you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Please don't give away my fajitas
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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