I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
