We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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