So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
