I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
