i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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