you guys were way drunker than both of me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
