some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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