Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
