Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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