I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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