I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
