Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
