Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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